Identify what your options are. Far too often, when faced with divorce, we rush to see a solicitor thinking that this our only recourse. The reality is you have many other options available to you depending on your circumstances, and a Divorce Coach can help you identify what these are. Choosing a more peaceful divorce option could make all the difference in your divorce experience.
Be realistic. This is an obvious one. The final outcome has to be fair to both parties. If children are involved there is likely to be two homes to finance, one party may face having to return to work or the family home may need to be sold. Ultimately, compromise is the name of the game.
Not in front of the Children. Divorce can be hard, it will be emotional, but divorce needs to be kept to the adults and mustn’t involve the children and the most important factor is that you must refrain from speaking badly about the other parent. Not only will this alienate your child from you in the future, but it is also causes emotional damage to the children.
Keep the lines of communication open. The more you and your Soon to Be ExSpouse can resolve between you the less you need to pay solicitors. This then means that there is more money available to distribute between you both. That said, this does not apply in abusive or toxic relationships.
How to get the best out of your solicitor. Establish a clear line of communication between you and your solicitor. Ask for warnings when you reach a certain amount of financial threshold on legal fees. Do not be afraid to tell them when you think they have misunderstood for made a mistake. They are human too. Ask for a lower level solicitor to manage some areas of your divorce, their work is often supervised by Partners in any event.
Do not post on social media about your divorce. Unfortunately, this advice is often ignored and later comes back to bite you. I advise my clients to divorce with dignity and respect. Sharing the ins and outs of our divorce on social media does not help the situation and in future could be seen by your children. Confide in a friend or family member or even your Divorce Coach but resist the temptation to spill all over social media platforms.
Do you research and get educated. A lot of the divorce process can seem daunting however the more you learn about the process the less daunted you will be. Learn as much as you can to help you make decisions as and when you need to.
Get organised financially. Finances are a big part of divorce. This is fact. However, the more prepared you are the better. The earlier you do this, the less anxious you will be about this further down the line. Getting organised simply means making sure you are aware of all the marital assets there are, bank accounts, other homes, understanding the cost of running a home and also a clear insight into paying utility bills and the cost-of-living day to day. These figures will be used in any financial settlement and if you do this early on, it makes the whole process easier.
Get emotional support. It’s important to remember that no matter how isolated you may feel, you are not alone. Recognise that there are sources of divorce support that you can leverage to help you sort through the minefield of feelings you are experiencing and learn how to deal with them in a healthy and constructive way. Allow your emotions to be but do not allow them to control you. When you can control them, you can better prepare yourself for your divorce negotiations and make rational based decisions instead of emotional ones.
And finally Take your Time. This really applies to all areas of divorce. Beware of arbitrary deadlines that cause unnecessary pressure. Rushing the divorce process may cause you to regret some of your decisions later on. Taking your time and taking time to consider next steps will stand you in good stead.
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