The label of Narcissism has gathered pace in the last few years and more and more awareness is brought about helping us to understand this personality disorder.
As a Divorce Coach specialising in divorcing/separating from Narcissistic ex partners ( the Nex as I call them) , I am often asked how the court system handles Narcissists? Do they realise that they exist? Do they offer protection for those that are having to defend themselves against them?
Essentially, you do not fight a Narcissist in court. If you go down this road, please prepare yourself for all out warfare.
By working with a team individuals, like a Divorce Coach, that understand the personality disorder that you are faced up against, you are able to strategise a way through the divorce process with a Nex.
You need to think, strategy, leverage and communication.
Does the court system know how to handle Narcissists? Well if you know Narcissists well enough, you'll understand that they know "how to work a room' and this can also involve the court room. They will do their very best to look as saintly as possible whilst simultaneously trying to make you look like the crazy person. Projection is a key manipulation tool used by Narcissists in court. They've done this their entire relationship with you, why would the court room be any different ? They are relying on knowing how you react emotionally, to make you look bad in court.
My advice here is not to overly defend yourself. You need to remain calm and not too emotional. Yes, I totally realise what I am asking of you, but trust me here, it's the right thing. The best way to make sure the legal system handles the Narcissist as they should be handled is by supporting any allegations you have with FACT. Prove your allegations against the Narcissist with FACTS.
This is why I am always telling my clients, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT.
Shouting or breaking down in court, hoping that the Judge or Magistrates' will hear your plight without facts, just won't work. Allowing the Narcissist to work their reactive abuse on you so that you end up losing control in court, will not help you.
Remain grounded, do not overly defend and use your factual documentation to speak for you. Yes, there will be moments when despite you doing all the things that I have listed here, the Narcissist still seems to be able to run rings round you. I understand you, but hold tight. Remain resolute, their games will not work forever and the calmer and more structured you are the better. Remember the Narcissist lies consistently and never remembers the lie they used previously so their story will change, ( takes another lie to cover the first lie), they do get caught out.
There is also the other side of this.
How the Narcissist uses the court system to attempt to wear you down. They will essentially try one or more of the following:
Frivolous and time wasting Court applications
Many call this litigation fatigue. Its a way of making you give up because the number of applications that are made without foundation are endless. They exhaust your finances. They exhaust your will and strength.. Realise the game and stay strong and take each application on its own merits. If it has no true foundation, it won't go anywhere.
This is a personal favourite of Narcissists.They will throw out false allegations on a daily basis, at every turn. The aim is to minimise their behaviour and to send you into a tail spin of spending all your time trying to defend your name. Don't defend yourself unless absolutely necessary or required in an application. Try to stay in your lane.
Narcissists will incite and encourage their victims to act irrationally and then call the police on them. This is also called reactive abuse. It's a method whereby they keep triggering you into a situation where you cannot take the stress, pain and constant abuse, you snap and they tell the world and anyone else that will listen that you are the abuser. They really will try to do this in court preferably for all to see.
Narcissists will lie about matters that are not material and are inconsequential to the case just to anger their opponent. They do this to frustrate the process. Again, you spend your time trying to prove the lies are indeed very much that, lies instead of concentrating on the matter at hand.
Using Legal Loopholes
Narcissists love to find loopholes in the legal system and use it in their favour but beware this is one way street and rage will ensure if you dare to do the same.
To find out more about how to manage the Nex in court and during the divorce process in general, please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org. You can also follow me here on instagram or on Facebook.
I am also currently running an online Divorcing a Narcissist Workshop on 2nd December at 8pm. Tickets for this can purchased here.
I shall be covering a whole range of topics including,
How the Narcissist weaponises money and children in divorce
What tricks the Narcissist plays in divorce
How the Narcissist manipulates that divorce process
How to communicate with the Narcissist during divorce
Top 10 phrases to use with the Narcissist
How to handle Mediation and the Narcissist,
The key elements that you need in order to beat the Narcissist at their own game
and so much more.
The workshop will be recorded so if you can't make the time or day, don't worry, if you purchase your tickets I will send you a recording.