When I've spoken about identifying a Narc previously, I explained that with Grandiose and Malignant Narcs, there are some pretty big red flags that help you identify them.
It's a different story with a Covert Narc.
So what does Covert mean? Covert in this context means it is much harder to identify. The traits are hidden and harder to spot. Covert Narcs are more inhibited in their approach a bit like an introvert is when compared to an extrovert for example. Remember though essentially and fundamentally, the Covert Narc is still a Narc.
So what am I looking out for ?
Here are some examples of the type of behaviour to watch out for. Covert Narcs are more likely to give back-handed compliments, or deliberately minimise their accomplishments or talents so that people will offer them reassurance of how talented they are. What the Covert Narc is doing here is using soft tactics to get the supply that he/she needs. They are seeking reassurance about themselves to feed that supply.
The Covert Narc will use the technique of shaming you but in a more subtle way. A more gentle approach to blame you and make everything your fault, this is still emotional abuse. They want you to make them feel better by apologising to them.
All Narcs want to confuse their victims, they use gaslighting. The Covert Narc will do this also by making question your perception and memory recall. E.g "are you sure about that? That's odd no one else thinks like that' whereas another type of Narc will rage in anger in order to cause and be ruder and more dismissive.
A Covert Narc will also look to make you feel unimportant. They will do this by completely ignoring you, not turning up when they said they would, not calling, not texting, not responding to texts or if they do, its all very last minute. The goal is make sure you understand that you mean nothing to them.
Covert Narcs are also very self absorbed and will do this in a very woe is me manner in order to reap supply. They will not be comfortable in social situations because they are quiet, shy fragile and envious of others. Covert Narcs are also more likely to suffer from depression and sever anxiety. They are also very passive aggressive. They understand that.a fake apology can win them favours. They also love to play the victim. They get angry when you become unwell or are sick. They give you the silent treatment.
Any of this sound familiar? Do you think you are dealing with a Covert Narc?
If you need help dealing with the Narc in your life, contact Your Divorce Coach www.yourdivorcecoach.org.uk. If you would like support, tips and techniques with managing the Narc in your life join my free private Facebook group for Narcissistic Abuse Support, click below.