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I'm not even sure where to start !
Communicating with the Narcissist about Christmas and the Children
Dealing with a Narcissist on Christmas Day
Managing a Narcissistic Parent during the Christmas holidays
How does the Narcissist feel about Christmas Day?
How does the Narcissist treat others during the Christmas holidays?
and more !
Essentially, Christmas is a big trigger for the Narcissist. Think about it, they love to be the centre of attention, yes even the covert Narcissist, so the fact that Christmas is all about family, various people and children, well this just puts the Narcissist's nose out of joint. It's not a good time for them.
If you are trying to arrange Christmas plans with the Narcissist, make sure you've done this well in advance. Unless you have a contact arrangements order setting out with whom children will spend Christmas and how their time is to be shared, the Narcissist is going to make sure that sorting out the arrangements is going to be difficult.
It's not really about whether they want to see their own children at this time, it's more about the supply, the kick they get out of having to email you, disrupting you, causing havoc and unrest at what is already a difficult time. ( Let's be honest the run up to Christmas can be quite stressful !) The Narcissist wants to make sure that they make a big fuss out of everything, from which gifts to give the children to how time is going to be shared, drop off times, etc.
If it is your turn to have your child/children on Christmas Day, the Narcissist will try and ruin this either by bombarding your day with messages and calls or just by turning up and causing some element of drama. God forbid of course if you did this on their Christmas Day to have your child/children. ! If you share the day with your child/children, they may be deliberately late dropping them off, they will try to sabotage the day by upsetting the children or using emotional blackmail with them about not seeing them for the rest of the day. The options are endless and the best way to handle this is to remain calm and try and not enter this world of drama and chaos that the Narcissist tries to create.
Here are some tips on how to cope with the Narcissist during the Christmas period:
Ignore the childish behaviour. Rise above it and try and find a solution that works.
Disengage from the crazy Narcissistic behaviour and stick to the facts at hand
Remain determined to model good behaviour to your children
Stay focused on your day/time with your child/children.
Use my top 10 phrases on how to communicate with a Narcissist. Link to my website to sign up for this is here
What about being with a Narcissist at Christmas ?
Christmas with a Narcissist can be so draining, it's exhausting. They will guilt trip you into thinking that this wonderfully family festive time, needs to be all about them. If you try and focus on others or even make plans that do not revolve around them, they will take this personally and attack.
Narcissists feel a dreadful anxiety at Christmas. Christmas is about everyone and not just the Narcissist alone so they cannot be the centre of attention. Happy times are also a difficult thing for the Narcissist to watch as it reminds them of how unhappy they are. The Narcissist will then act out, because they are not only worried about how they will get supply but they are also reminded of how empty they are.
If the Narcissist has chosen to host for Christmas, they will expect fanfares for their efforts. The Narcissist will set very high standards for themselves and if it does not all go to plan, be prepared for it to be anyone's fault but their own. If the day goes well, they will expect high praise and admiration, it's not a free dinner, it never is with the Narcissist. This is all conditional ! Oh and beware if you do not play along with this people pleasing game, there will be repercussions.
Many of my clients have to not only deal with Narcissistic ex partners during the Christmas period but also Narcissistic parents. It's alot to take on and it can very stressful. Try to manage this by focusing on being with those that bring you joy and peace.
If you need help managing the Narcissist in your life or if you are going through a divorce/separation with a Narcissist, I am offering a free 15 minute discovery call to discuss how I can help you. You can get in touch by emailing me at nawal@yourdivorcecoach.org.uk or visit my website. Feel free to follow me on instagram, where I provide daily free content about Narcissists and Divorce. You can also join my free FB Narcissistic support group giving you support from a group of individuals that are travelling the same road.