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As many of us will know, if we have to deal with a Narc in our lives, they have their own special way of using language in order to control and overpower their victims.
Phrases that would otherwise be deemed innocent in everyday terms, spoken and repeated and as I call it given a "Narc twist" suddenly paralyse the Narc victim. The Narc uses a variety of manipulative techniques in order to inflict emotional and mental abuse and language is one of these tools.
The way a Narc uses phrases to manipulate their victims is better seen when we take these phrases and 'translate" them. With this insight, victims are able to then be better prepared when the next attack ensues. So let's look at some phrases and translate these to better understand what is happening.
1.I love you
What this really means it, I love the attention that you give me. I love that you are only concentrating on me. I love controlling you. I love your supply. I can have anything I want from you. I flatter you and love bomb you and you are easy prey.
2. I am sorry you feel that way
My followers will know that this phrase is one of my main bugbears. It's the classic non apology apology. More than that it means, I need to get this argument out of the way because I have better things to do. I am sorry I got caught. I am sorry I am being held accountable. I am sorry you have the emotions you do but they mean nothing to me.
3. You are sensitive/overeacting
You’re having a perfectly normal reaction to an immense amount of lies, but all I see is that you’re catching on and I really don't like this. What I really want to do is gaslight you so that you can continue to second guess yourself. When you do this it makes my life so much easier and I get a kick out of it. It keeps you compliant and I really like this. As long as you don’t trust yourself, you’ll work that much harder to minimise the abuse I dish out.
4. My exe's are crazy
I made my exes crazy. It was so much fun! All I had to do was provoke, poke and prod until I got a reaction. Finally when I did, I used those reactions against them to show everyone how crazy they were. It was soo easy. Soon, you’ll be the “crazy ex” too.
5. You have trust issues
I am not a trustworthy person. I lie. I manipulate. I have shown you this repeatedly by betraying you. Your instinct is right, but I will not admit this as it does me no favours. I will never allow you to believe your instinct because it's absolutely correct. I will continue to manipulate you so that you continue to ignore your instinct not to trust me which is correct.
6. You'll never find someone like me
I don't want you to find anyone that does not resemble me because then you will realise how bad I truly am. I want you to find someone like me because then you'll realise that I am ok and normal. If you find someone that is not like me you will realise that there are empathic people out there who will treat you far better than I ever did.
7. It's not about all about you
In reality, its all about ME ME ME ! I cannot have you concentrate on yourself or your own needs because I need you to satisfy my own needs. I need this because I am not able to do that alone. I will make you feel bad and very guilt if you try and take care of your own needs because I do not want to have to take care of my own needs myself. I cannot have you concentrate on yourself because I am the most important person and I need all of your attention.
If you need help to manage the Narc in your life, get in touch with Your Divorce Coach for a free 15 minute discovery call to see how we can work together. www.yourdivorcecoach.org.uk.