Oh to be adored... the lavish attention, the wonderful affection, the stuff that you see in all the movies and it's happening to me. When we are targeted by a Narc, we are effectively in the love bombing stage of the three main stages of how a Narcissist attracts his next victim.
During this lovebombing stage, we genuinely feel that we have found our soulmate, our true partner in crime, our partner for life, only to realise at some stage that it has all disappeared. It'a tragic fall, a crash from the heavens. We feel betrayed, abandoned and totally lost.
If you are or have even been in a relationship with a Narc, you will undoubtedly have uttered the words " why can't we just go back to the way things used to be ?"
Here comes the hard part, there never was actually a good time.
The tactic that has been used on you is called Love Bombing. Narcs use this tactic, to break down any of your defences, gain all your trust, and ultimately reveal to you how amazing and caring they are.
Love bombing is effectively a manipulation tool. This is because during the Love Bombing phase the Narc is setting you up. Victims are effectively showered with love, praise and total understanding in order to show them how amazing they really are. It's almost like a drug hit.
Love bombing can take many forms, from showering you with gifts, flowers and romantic nights out to over the top grand gestures ( often with expensive gifts), ego boosts, unconditional support ( which disappears in the stages to follow love bombing) and complete understanding.
Whilst the victim is in almost a dream like state, lapping up all the attention and admiration, the Narc is hard at work. They are learning everything about you. How you react, what makes you tick. He/She uses the love bombing stage to learn what you like, its the only thing he/she ever needs to know. He/she learns how to press your buttons, your reactions to certain situations, your hopes and your dreams. You will entrust them and fill them in on all of your thoughts and feelings because they are showing you love and compassion and you cannot help but completely open yourself up to them. The Narc is furiously taking down mental notes on all of you because this information will come in very handy later on.
Now for the shocker. The person that you see before you is not real. The person that you see is a creation, made solely for you, adapted to fit with you so that you fall for them. If they showed your their true self, you would run like the wind. The Love bombing stage can last quite a while. Some Narcs can manage a few weeks others a few months. It really depends on how long is needed to break the victim.
After the Love Bombing stage, comes the devaluing stage. To make sure you don't miss out on my explanation on what this stage means for the victim, sign up to join my free Facebook Narcissistic Abuse Support group here or visit my website and sign up to receive my free blogs and newsletters.
if you would like help divorcing a narcissist, please get in touch for a free 15 minute discovery call to see how we can work together.