In the third part of my three part series on the different phases a Narcissist uses when he/she finds new supply, I am going to discuss the discard phase. This finale phase draws full circle on the cycle that determines how a Narc works.
The grand finale.
They divorce, oust, cast aside. They desert, abandon, chop, vanish.
Why ? I want you to think about this. We know that narcissists lie, and not only lying to us but they are also lying to other people. This fake identity that they’ve created for themselves. So when we know their lies, their biggest fear is that we know their lies. And so the only way to do anything about it is to discard and get rid of, and cast away, and divorce. And then find new supply. Actually, the reality is they are finding new supply whilst they are discarding you.
The Narc also discards you because they bore very easily. Initially, they love the thrill of the chase, the excitement and the conquering of the new partner. Essentially, the Narc keeps finding new supply in the hope that this time, this person will fill the void that they have. If we are looking for healthy adult relationships, we will realise that no one can fix another. It is for us to fix ourselves, therefore the Narc will never be satisfied and will always seek, devalue and then discard.
The Narc also discards because the victim is exhausted, the financial supply is perhaps exhausted and the victim no longer serves a purpose.
Whatever the reason, victims are often left shattered and unable to understand what went wrong. Not only have they been put through the emotional wringer for no reason, they've been blamed and told that they are wrong, selfish and evil for just having feelings, needs and flaws. This can be very damaging. Narcs put a negative connotation on everything the victim says, thinks and does, so consequently victims are left with the idea that even having normal feelings or engaging in normal, every-day activities is selfish and somehow abusive or wrong.
When you add this the fact that the Narc simply up and left, essentially abandoning the victim, this leaves people in a very fragile state.
Which is of course, exactly where the Narc wants them.
It's not over yet.
People who are in this state will be receptive should the Narc need to come back if their new perfect victim does not work out. Whilst you are trying to come to terms with the fact that we have been abandoned, the Narc will return to haunt you once more.
People often feel they've "won" in this situation if the narcissist returns, but in reality, the Narc has come back only because they know their manipulations and fraudulent claims will be successful. This is not a prize you want to win. You do not want to be 'hoovered' in this way.
If you this blog resonates with your or if you are divorcing a Narcissist, then please do get in touch if you need clarity in your divorce process. Please also feel free to join my FREE private membership group for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors jam packed full of free content of tips and tricks to cope with the Narc in you life. Please do also have a look at my website for other free blog content.