Who attracts a Narcissist? and Why?
5 Top Reasons why you may be attracting Narcissists.
Narcissists and the types of people that they attract is a well known phenomenon.
To be fair, it's not rocket science and is directly linked to the vulnerable characteristics that their prey have. I'm not just talking about Narcissists in your personal life, they can turn up in your family, disguised as a friend but also in the workplace and community.
The inability to empathise, an exaggerated sense of self-importance, and an excessive and pathological need for admiration are just a few qualities Narcissists possess.
What is it about me that seems to attract the Narcissist?
1.You are an empath.
Having empathy means you are able to relate to another person's feelings and emotions. Empaths are drawn to Narcissists because they make them feel good but also give them an opportunity to focus and help another. Empaths like to focus on a narcissist and help them. Help them be their better self. The Narcissist translates this one to one attention as pure supply. Narcissists essentially need supply to survive. The perfect combination is born.
2.You have low self esteem
Narcissists like to prey on individuals who are not very sure of themselves. Who perhaps have that seed of doubt about their ability, who they are and what they represent. This is again the perfect target for a Narcissist as it makes it very easy to manipulate these individuals.
The Narcissist can easily gain power over them. Individuals with low self esteem will always question they own behaviour before they question the behaviour of others. They are also very good at looking within but to the detriment to themselves in that they will often take responsibility for others people's mistakes. Again, this is just wonderful playground for the Narcissist. This is exactly the type of individual they want. Someone who will not look to criticise but someone who will idealise them and take the blame for their mistakes.
3.You don't have boundaries
I think this is probably one of my most repeated phrases. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
Without these boundaries, you are allowing everyone in.
Narcissists hate boundaries and they will take great pleasure in ensuring that even if you attempt to establish one they will tear it down. You see boundaries are essential to our self preservation and self respect. Boundaries tell us and others what we are willing to accept and how we want to be treated. Without these, we are opening ourselves up for taking responsibility for others and also a whole world of pain.
You need boundaries such as personal boundaries, physical boundaries, emotional boundaries. If you have children, they need to see you establish boundaries. Along with boundaries comes another piece of the puzzle, there has to be a consequence to not respecting that boundary.
And you need to follow through.
You can have all the boundaries you like, but if you do not follow through with the consequences of those boundaries being broken, then you might not as well have any.
4.You are a people pleaser
People pleasers get their self worth, their validation by pleasing others. This involves giving your power away. Narcissists don't like people who have power. If you essentially make it a priority to ensure that people like you and you stop at nothing to achieve this, the Narcissist will keep you trying harder and harder until you are exhausted. Then they will keep asking for more. People pleasing only satisfies others and strips you of your own self worth and leaves you utterly depleted. It's ok not to please everyone. not everyone will like you and that's ok.
5. There is something very attractive about them.
One of the strongest characteristics of a Narcissist is their confidence – they are attractive because they think of themselves as attractive. Though they have low self worth they also have the ability to believe their own stories and their own value in order to attract others. They realise that they must create this other persona that is what the world initially sees. It is this persona that we are attracted to rather than the true self to the Narcissist. This strong confidence and charisma are qualities that pull others in, that makes them the life and soul of the party. It is because we are attracted to this confidence that we end up by being attractive to the Narcissist. They will get attention from you and this is the key driver for any Narcissist.
If you think you are in a personal relationship with a Narcissist or perhaps you have having to manage a Narcissist in your family or work life, then feel free to contact me for a free 15 minute consultation to see how I can help you.
if you are going through a divorce or separation from a Narcissist and need support to manage the narcissistic abuse and the Narcissist themselves, then please do get in touch at www.yourdivorcecoach.org.uk or firstname.lastname@example.org
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